Happy Birthday Isabella Jade

Where do I even begin?

Is it even possible to put into words the feelings and emotions that well up inside me when I start to think over the past 4 years with our precious daughter?

My sweet Bella,

You have been more of a joy to mine and your Dad's life than we could even begin to describe. I'll never forget the day I secretly took that pregnancy test in the bathroom at 5 AM on Saturday morning....Your dad was fast asleep and completely unaware that I was shaking with joy and tears as I huddled quietly in the bathroom staring at those two little pink lines before me. I had been planning on taking the test that morning- so I just couldn't sleep. I was too excited. Excited for the possibility of being your mom. Not just just a mom to anyone- but to you. A divinely ordained plan by God to bring you and I together- not by random chance or by "fate" (whatever that means), but by the will of our Almighty God- who already had a plan for you before you were even a thought in my mind.

Sneaking quietly back into bed, I couldn't close my eyes for a second. My heart was pounding, and I felt myself feeling both invigorated yet shaky at the same time. Is this real? Is it a boy or a girl? Will we be good parents? Will I be a good mom? Your dad and I had been thinking about you, planning for you and most importantly- praying for you. That afternoon I arranged a beautiful way to announce your being to your dad. We laughed, cried, celebrated, and began praying for your health and future. You were barely the size of a grain of rice inside of me- but you caused everything else that I once thought was so important- to cease to exist in my mind.

I loved every minute of being pregnant with you. I loved feeling your movements, your hiccups, and hearing your heartbeat at every doctors visit. I loved the way your dad would light up when he glanced at my belly, and the way he seemed to soften when we talked about "what if it's a girl?"..... We chose not to find out if you were a boy or girl because it really didn't matter to us. God used those nine months to prepare our hearts for you, so there was no amount of preparation we could have done that would be better than that.

On August 14th, 2005, God gave your dad and I a glimpse of His immense love for us by bringing you into our lives. I must have heard your dad tell me "it's a girl!" about 5 times before it registered.

A daughter.

My daughter.

My beautiful, precious, divinely created daughter.

The years since this moment have gone by too fast.

In the last 4 years you have given me a new sense of purpose, a new sense of fulfillment and endless memories of laughter and deep joy. Not just the kind of joy where you feel happy and lighthearted- but the kind of deep joy that makes your heart ache whenever I think about you. Almost a guilty sense of joy; questioning myself and God what I ever did to deserve such blessings.

And now, you have gone from this: To this:To this.

(actually taken at 3...new 4 year old pictures coming soon!....)

Isabella, you are a stunning piece of God's handiwork.

I am blessed beyond words to be the woman God chose to be your mom.

Your dad and I fall more and more deeply and madly in love with you with each passing day, and we can't believe that tomorrow morning we will wake up to have a 4 year old in the house! You are a ray of sunshine, an excellent artist, a fabulous singer and performer, a hilarious story-teller, a compassionate big sister, and the sweetest soul I have ever been witness to.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl.

Love, Mom